by D.A. McCall
“My dog and I have many stimulating conversations.” The woman who graced the bloated television screen made this implausible claim. Until that moment she had seemed unremarkable. The hostess arched an eyebrow, “Has your dog said anything you’d like to share with my viewers?”
“Rex recently lamented, I’m trapped in a dogs body and forced to do dog things.”
My jaw dropped at the marvel of it all. Not only was the dog speaking but also it seemingly wasn’t happy with its lot in life. I had hoped for better this time around. Incredible, the dog had confirmed reincarnation. The dog hadn’t made any outlandish claims, such as a past association with Cleopatra. I was impressed what more proof could you want?
“If that mutt why not you Luna? Come here Luna let’s make this happen. Good grief you stink. What have you been rolling in?”
Holding my nose I left the room. Hopefully we can accomplish this talking thing from a distance. I leaned my head back in the doorway and thought,
“Luna can you hear me?”
Nothing, I was about to give up when I distinctly heard something I hadn’t thought, my name. I entered the room and whirled toward Luna, “Is that you?”
“Of course it’s me. You don’t smell anyone else in the room do you?”
“Funny you should mention smell.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“ Now, that I’ve finally got your attention.
I want a bone.”
“Wonderful, the first time you speak to me it’s to demand a bone?”
“This is hardly the first time although it is the first time you’ve answered. Forget the bone lets go outside and play.”
“It’s raining and playing in the rain is only fun in the movies. I’d rather stay inside and talk.”
“I don’t want to talk, I’d rather stay inside and share a bone.”
“I’m sure, I’ve never known you to share anything. Besides I told you you’re not getting a bone.”
“I always assumed the reason you didn’t get me a bone was because you didn’t know I wanted one. This is all very disappointing as well as exhausting. I need to catch some zzzzzz’s.”
“ I used to wonder, what do you suppose Luna would think about this. In my naïveté I thought you might have some thoughts on……oh I don’t know world hunger perhaps?”
“You gotta be kidding. What would I know about that? I must say I don’t see how that can be. Everywhere I look I see food.”
Luna is distracted by a cockroach scurrying across the kitchen floor. She noisily eats the hapless roach.
“Hey don’t blame me. You’re the one who wanted to talk about world hunger. Last week I followed my nose to a dead raccoon. At least I think it was a raccoon. It had been there for a while so it was hard to tell. All I know for sure is that it was aged just right and was delicious. The scent was so intoxicating I got lightheaded. I gorged myself until I thought I’d explode. Then I rolled around in the carcass.
Food and perfume, what a find.”