Luna Speaks by D.A. McCall

                                                                                            by   D.A. McCall


 The female who occupied the bloated television screen seemed unremarkable. Then she spoke,

     “My dog and I have many stimulating conversations.”

      “Has your dog said anything you’d like to report?”

     “My dog recently lamented, “I’m trapped in a dogs body and forced to do dog things.”

     I was impressed. We’re talking about a dog who hadn’t claimed any past associations with Cleopatra (or any other historical luminaries for that matter). There were no wild claims of past lives. Here was a being trapped in a body with four legs (when clearly the optimum number is two).

     That this would be the dog’s conversation convinced me that it had to be true. Who could make up such a story and why would you?

     “Come over here Luna, lets make this happen. Good grief what have you been rolling in you stink?

Hopefully we can do this from a distance. I crossed the room in hope of breathing some less aromatic air. As time passed somewhat dejected I was about to give up when I heard my name being called. I whirled around and thought, is that you Luna?

     “Of course it’s me you dumbmotherfucker. You don’t smell anyone else in the room do you? Now that I have your attention, give me a goddamned bone.”

     “You’ve got to be kidding. The first time you speak to me you demand a bone and crudely no less.”

     “This isn’t the first time I’ve spoken, it’s just the first time you’ve answered. Also are you telling me there are good words and bad words?”


      “Jesus Christ this talking bullshit is a lot more complicated than I would have thought. Forget that, let’s go outside and play, I assume outside isn’t a bad word?”

     “It’s raining, besides I don’t want to go outside. There must be something we can talk about?”

     “Talk to yourself. You do it all the fucking time anyway. I’d rather stay inside with a bone.”

     “Unbelievable, I told you you’re not getting a bone.”

     “What a fuckhead. I always assumed the reason you didn’t get me s bone is because you didn’t know I wanted one. This is bullshit. I need to catch some zzz’s.”

 Be serious, if what they said weren’t true psychics wouldn’t be allowed on television.

 “I must say this is extremely disappointing. I was naive enough to think you might have some thoughts on……oh I don’t know, world hunger perhaps?”

      “With food everywhere how can that be?”

A cockroach scurrying across the kitchen floor distracts Luna. She noisily eats the roach.

     “See what I mean?”

      “That’s disgusting. It would seem we humans are just too finicky.”

      “Was that a fucking shot? The other day I was nosing around and found a dead raccoon. At least I think it was a raccoon. It was kind of hard to tell. Anyway, whatever it was it was delicious and it smelled so good I got light headed. After I got tired of gnawing on it I rubbed my head in the carcass. Food and perfume what a find.”